moving in with mom after dad died

moving in with mom after dad diedshallow wicker basket

We are a tiny island and so property prices will always be high even now when property and land has dropped substantially. We have not even gone thru my moms stuff yet. She is making herself at home. And perhaps, someday, he will meet a woman who shares his values and can make a life with him. I realized, its not about me, its about him. After her death my husband and I continued to live with my dad to keep him company and ease the loneliness. You may put on a brave face but he ought to know that that is not the same as accepting her. My father started seeing a woman shortly after Thanksgiving. Im going insane, and waste all day being unproductive as I think about how unfair and how much I hate her. Im surprised she even waited 18 months before she joined the dating agency. Wow Andrea. Never give up! My mother passed away from cancer in 2007. My aunts son married a girl from the Philippines and after he died the daughter in law was always writing asking for money for various family crisis. I dont know why this hurts us so much. I think he had the new woman on the side waiting in the wings so to speak. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! If you have any care inquiries, please contact us anytime by completing the form below. When a spouse leave this earth what is the widow or widower is suppose to do with the remaining of their life. He may be able to fulfill some of the emptiness he has felt and may feel he at least has a purpose to continue his life. He has a house here in FL and one in KY,so he felt the need to go to KY to get away for a while. dont attend any family functions until the rest of the family has had time to grieve and cope with their loss. As someone stated below, I too feel as if it is never going to get better. They were married 34 years good relationship. NTA. From what he tells me she has helped him through a difficult time and how can I be happy knowing that he is not. He may have moved on and is ready to make sure he has a life partner in his life and home. And just like your FIL, my dad goes and spends incredible amounts of time with this woman, and my mom had to beg for any time she got from my dad. Just tell your dad you are not ready for that right now and you understand his needs. My kids were. I thought this was ok since he was alone and needed someone to talk to so he wouldnt be out of his mind. Oh and because when i came to visit them on their vacation i was really there to cheat on my husband she claimes. In fact, I caught him with tears in his eyes at one point and I couldnt help but wonder if he was thinking about my Mom that night. It has now been 14 years since my mom died. Your mom sounds very lazy and manipulative. I want to meet his daughters, I dont want to replace his late wife. I am now 48 and would like to share my story. Your father has his grandchildren because he has you. I am the daughter-in-law, though. The only thing that has gotten me through these years have been that I feel her presence still with me and her telling me that I should focus on my family and not let things get me down. Hell take a day off from her here and there because of our special request. There is no objective timeline that you can use to say it has been long enough, not long enough, etc. And remind yourself of the ways that her connection with him was different than yours. She and my dad were married for over 54 years and had the picture of a beautiful, loving marriage, one that any couple would aspire to have. I miss my dad-and mom-so much. Even before he met me they didnt want him to socialize with anyone else. I have watched her manipulate my fathers time, and talk him into marriage with only 3 months of dating. Well, Im happy to have found this forum even though there are old entries on here, i hope maybe one person will read my experience. I sat there stunned. I have told him how I feel, and that is all I can do. Alex Murdaugh, the victims'husband and father, was just found guilty of their It definitly could be worse. I want to apologize and she declined at my apology. For me expressions such as Youll have more,There was obviously something wrong with it,At least you already have a child beggar belief. People deserve to be happy but that does not mean they should forget their children. What if she hates you because youre I have accepted the situation( he lives at her home since about 3 months after they started dating)and his condo is for sale now), I was quite angry when I heard about this and we never again spoke of it. I cannot understand their position. Now, less than a year after my mom died, here was my dad taking a woman out for Valentines Day? Keep it to yourself, lady!!). I call him and try to keep in touch and he gives only one word answers to my attempts at conversation. You spoke my thoughts exactly! The only practical suggestion I can make at this time would be to let your father know exactly how you feel. at. I just dont know what to do about this anymore. But if you dont, youre taking the risk that in 35 years youll end up where I am with a family destroyed by his selfishness and sham relationship. I cant respect someone who would be messing around while their spouse of many years is suffering. That is heartbreaking but she is tormenting you. I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. I truly believe that he never let himself grieve and accept my mothers death. Too much change and no way to navigate through it or interpret it. NTA your mom's "bUt fAmiLY" was just a manipulation to get her bills paid. Would I ever want to come between a father and daughter for the sake of my own needs or excuses that I make this man happy? Please Open the Door and the path to a renew relationship, to a new future together as a family. I'd also recommend part time work to keep a toe in the work force. My mom, like many of your moms, passed away from cancer (colon), in 2006. Only told 1 sibling..I found out by mistake totally devastated.she has been hiding it and has now come out once again without telling her children and 4 stepchildren.the total disregard for feelings, honesty and integrity has consumed me and destroyed our relationship = perhaps for good. I found this website yesterday. Less then a year after she passed my dad had started going out lots and leaving me at home for hours. It is true that we should think about how our loved ones wanted us to be, because we can pay tribute to them and we can have them in our lives forever. I didnt know any of this until he left. I love my dad and he is a great dad but hes not handling this well and hes a crappy husband. Not only was I having a year of so many firsts already, facing it without one of the most influential and important people in my life was unfathomable. It was just weird, my Brother and I my son were only an hour away and he would not wait. I lost my mother in 1995, i was 14 years old. He goes to dancing every Tues night. We can accept that he wants this new relationship, we just wish he would accept that we are just not ready to be a part of it. We each have our own stories deep inside our hearts. He had made plans to go out with a group of people and asked what I thought he should do I think he was nervous. I think he can now begin to start processing his grief over my moms death (we have just now passed the three month mark since her funeral.) Our relationship is strained and I feel a double loss as someone mentioned in a previous post. If he could build his separate relationship with us, the hostility towards his wife would fade and we would be much less resentful. She claims there is nothing wrong. I would like to speak to the women dating widowed men. And they got married one year after my mother passed away. Perhaps your father would do well to read some of these letters. WebAnswer (1 of 4): Im sorry for your loss. In most of these cases the person inflicting the additional trauma is the parent who is flushed with joy at having found someone new and is not open to the fact that his emptiness has been filled while his family is still grieving.It seems they cannot wait to force the person on their family and present ultimatums for non-compliance. If he is not in a healthy relationship with you, how can he be in a healthy relationship with the girls? He said he LOVED (his emphasis) this woman and that they had plans to be together. Maybe you could try to get to know her and her children. 20 years ago she, too, was in an accident that almost killed her. I now had to take care of my moms mom who had dementia in her home while my dad is busy in the first stages of a love relationship right after my mom died in our house. I have a sister who is 20 years older and she told him it was all too soon and he should consider everyone elses feelings but he said he was entitled and really proved he could not have cared less what anyone thought. It wasnt until years later that Sally revealed to me that I had focused so much on distracting her with impromptu dance parties, that I hadnt actually been there for her in the way that she truly needed. Ive tried ignoring it and being the bigger person always doing her dishes, then she starts moving in more on my house putting her mark everywhere and being home all day in my grandma house. We have three children. I basically kicked her out of my home. One time he called me bawling when he got off of work because he picked up the phone and thought "I should call my wife to let her know I'm coming home." She just needs a little help with the deposit and setting up furniture, and then she'll be able to take over cleaning and dusting on a daily basis without you. My mother in law passed away 5 months ago. Kind regards Gaynor, I am in the same situation, I am the oldest of 5 children, the other 4 have diffrent views but basically they dont want to piss daddy off because they might get the treatment I am getting. I wanted to be there for him and was worried how he would live after being married to Mom for over 50 years. We told him that our grieving process is not done and we are not there yethe does not care. needing someone to soothe his hurts. He and my Mom did everything together and she spoiled him. We both had spouses that die under the terrible cancer disease. I constantly encourage him to keep a relationship with them, I dont want him to separate from them. Ever since we lost Mom, I have felt like I no longer belong in my family, and this just makes it worse. I invited my dad so my friend could help him improve his dance skills so we could dance together. Then in August, he went to Cabo with her sisters and family. He didnt tell any of us- he just did it. Dad lost his car in an accident just a few weeks before the stoke. Remind her she's still got family, that she's not alone. I feel so sorry for you. Immediately after his passing, I sent a mass email blind copying friends and family notifying them of my fathers death. Surround yourself with a solid community, and find people who will talk you through this kind of stuff, or willing to just talk about the utterly mundane. In my personal situation, my dad announced to me within weeks that he wanted to have an intimate relationship with an old friend of theirs. All the while he expects me to hang around him and live life with him in it! The reality of all this is I cant let them watch the baby bc he is physically incapable and she is drugged up all the time. I would like for someone to tell me when its ok to date after a spouse dealth. John Pete is online at https://facebook.com/dailygriefquotes. She didnt want me to do groceries for her anymore. I was born on Fathers Day, how can you forget completely. This situation has eaten up so much of my life and energy that I would have loved to have avoided it. As I reflect on the past five years, I've remembered some things and forgotten others; I've grown; I've surprised myself in a lot of ways. The pain of losing my mother has quadrupled as a result of his behavior. I cannot emphasise enough that there may well be a case of self-preservation here. I feel horrible about the situation. The most of my dad mine lost for just died, really dependent. I cannot stress how thoroughly unpleasant she is and my Dad has increasingly become. that is all fine & after a respectful time (my definition of this would be 6 months or more), than go for the intimate stuff. Every mans dream, right? I never got to really have my father to myself growing up and even more now. It will do no good. I am so glad to have found this website. He has never really been there financially even when my mother was alive, but I used to think its because He has lots of kids & He will one day change. He may force your behaviour but he cannot force you to accept or like her until such time as you may want to. Their union spanned 30 years and they have an adult child. They will barely speak to him, yet he continues to talk to them about her and asks them if they like her or tells them how much he wants them to like her. My understanding of caring has broadened over the last year with this pandemic. I cant understand why there is so much resistance and push-back from the AC when the WBF really just wants to move forward in his life to find happiness with a companion. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. Im dealing with this right now and still havent confronted my dad about how upset I am by all of this. It makes me question my whole life growing up in our family. Thank all of you for your stories, but heres mine He may back us financially (and again, I dont want to disregard his generosity here), but our relationship is suffering. In addition, her other sister lives on the same street, across the driveway, from my dad. She whispers to him or says a few words or sentences, but thats it. So they let her and that made her happy. I found all of this out the first day of my last semester in college. I could relate and it completely sucks. Within the year, my Dad was dating and in a serious relationship. It has started the grieving process all over again not only with still dealing with the loss of my mother and knowing she wont meet her granddaughter until shes greeted at the pearly gates, but Im now dealing with this so called loss of my fatherof less time etc. Sharing time together helps us during our grieving period. Since my mother died, this is the first time she had attended one of our family gatherings. Ive sought counsel elsewhere, in real life and on the internet, and it always amounts to a guilt trip: How dare I try to deprive my father of happiness? My mom is extremely independent and self-sufficient (she is a program manager at her job), and it's a big shock to hear her talk the way she does, like she can't do anything without my dad. Sometimes men can suspend reality. This has just happened to me I am bereft. The wknd they arrived home, they spent the wknd with us before driving back to her place 4 hrs away. As if I was 2 years oldtonight, he did it again over the phone. Read my previous posting (number 57, on Octber 6th.). I think it is true to say,from my experience, that when loss is handled with gross insensitivity the impact of that causes a person not to trust the perpetrator again. documentaries Jan. 30, 2023. Oh honey, there's no such thing as grieving too much or too little. Little did I know 14 months later I was going to be blindsided with a call that he was dating. then she calls him, bawling her eyes out, wanting him back. We loved our spouses with all of our hearts, we dedicated our life to them and to the children. My hair stated to fall out. He and his lady friend caught me completely off guard within weeks of my mothers death when they attempted to solicit my blessings on an intimate relationship they stated they wanted to pursue. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. . My wife of 14 years committed suicide just over a year ago, leaving me with 4 children ages 12 and under. Now we feel it is out of the question. . If you can, get her active in life. What we find offensive is Please, please if you are a parent or new love interest think carefully about how a selfish decision will cause decades of pain and suffering. She allowed him a small bag of his possessions and decided she did not want any cards or mail being sent to her house. I wont even go into the details of how he is doing EVERYTHING for this woman that my mom always wanted him to do and he didnt. I once joked to a friend that if shelost it completely and killed my sister and I, he would say, shame about the kids. My question. Especially when you're going through your own grief. I am torn between supporting his decision, and speaking honestly: its too soon. She felt needed and purposeful. Her dad I have know from teen yearswe were an item, and still have the same attraction we did then. I went alone, my husband started a new job and we cant afford it yet. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. I comfronted her. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It was probably the peak of our relationshipnever had we been closer. Ironic that what motivated me to try to forgive was the fact I did not want him to be alone. What is wrong with you. He really only cares about himself. She called two nights before my moms funeral wanting to talk to my dad, and we were having a family meeting with the pastor to plan my moms service. In fall of 2015 my stepfather announced he would be taking the friend on a trip out of the country. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. When my Mum died there was no counselling and I just had to get on with it. It is made all the harder for you because you feel this woman is unworthy and the relationship is too soon and too in your face. I would even approve of someone who is from our church- not some stranger who feels comfortable enough to fly over on a whim to visit an online friend or whatever so quickly. So I now inhabit a house with them and their infant daughter. I still cant beleive it. My dad has changed with the way he is with me too. She wants to do this even before the estate is settled. If you've lost someone you're close to, you might recognize some of these. Im sure people have different views on this. #pov after my mom died my dad wants to move to the city. Well, a few days ago, my dad tells me that he is going to Florida next week with a woman friend of his (he never would have taken my mom to Florida). Fabulous job. But he has for the most part been very respectful for my feelings so I have returned the favor. She be-friended me & acted like we were the best of friends. Has anyone been able to move on from the pain of their parents getting involved with someone else so soon? I fear this woman has it all figured out. I believe that the two things that have made this the hardest are 1. After about two months, when I did actually want people to ask about my dad and to check in on me, I felt deeply sad that everyone had seemingly moved onand I was left painfully alone. I was sitting with her overnight when she passed away, and cannot get the events out of my head from what happened (no matter that the grief counselor I have seen says I should be happy because from what Ive told her, she didnt suffer like others I have heard of). Needless to say, hes been talking exclusively with one woman who is from the UK and is about six years older than I am. 3) dad has a girlfriend. From the get-go me and my siblings had qualms about his relationship. And, she had others she could turn to for conversations that didn't involve which track we should dance to. I told him there is no solution and its something we are going to have to deal with as issues arise. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I gave them space and just pleasent with her thats it. And how dare him talk to me like this about the other woman. I even find myself wishing bad things happen to her. I feel like he is being selfish. When I first heard this from my father I thought there is no way you love her or even did if you are replacing her. What makes it so depressing is that every time the person is mentioned it is"John Doe, the deceased," Every ten words you're reminded the person is dead. Im not his gatekeeper. He makes excuses but we all know if she wanted him there hed be there immediately even if he had to take a taxi. The hardest part of losing my mom has been my dad moving another woman into our family home where we grew up. You can petition the court to be named executor. You have to remeber they are human. Where they went, what they ate, how they laughed.so I set to trying to say the right thing and be supportive even thought I didnt like the idea of this woman. Did you ever think you would be grieving like you are? Do we accept presents from them for the girls and allow them to speak with them on birthdays and Christmas? She lives in Florida so he traveled there a couple times to visit her- and he talks about her and her family and is very happy- which is great- but has done stuff with her family and grandkids, that he would never do back home with us. We bonded like we hadnt ever. My Mom was coherent and had a her faculties to the end. Ahh, this hurts It feels moms memory is being tarnished and I want to make things right. I felt so desperately sad and alone for so long, for all the reasons the previous posters have stated. She is also my age (53). I have been dealing with something tough that I wanted to share and get your comments. We have spent the past 21 months gradually allowing everyone to adjust to this new life. The only peace I have is that she will have to answer to God and probably my mother in the end. For. Ellen and my dad married in October of 2004 just a little over a year after my Mom passed away. My relationship with my dad was great- we saw each other at least once a week and always had great talks. Wow. I mean it is not all about what you want. You are responsible to your family: you, spouse and child. All I have known for 26 years of my life is the love between my mother and my father. He does not listen. She is constantly at my house spending the night for days and even up to a week at a time staying at my house. he threw his arms up and said he prays things will heal themselves. She also made some new friends that she became quite close to and this helped fill the gap a little. to deal with this woman was challenging as admitting that this woman existed I had to admit a few other things: Awesome. Shortly after the funeral, the song came on the radio on my way to work, and I absolutely lost it.

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